From deciding whether to use cloth or disposable diapers, to how to respond to sibling rivalry, and discerning if your teen is responsible enough to learn to drive; the decisions are endless.
When we don’t know how to get to our geographical destination, most of us are in the habit of checking our trusty map apps. We are constantly following the little blue dot to find our way around! But what do you use as your compass or your map when making important decisions related to your children?
Do you use a Magic 8 ball? Do you ask your trusted friends for advice? Or do you base your decision on how you were raised...and then decide to do the opposite? ;) We all know what it’s like at the end of a long week; making those tough parenting decisions is hard for even the most organized of parents, so having a trusted tool to assist in making those important decisions with intention can really help.
Creating a clear and concise vision for our children serves as compass to guide you through your family decisions, both big and small.
We’re not talking about your desire for their career prospects or which college you want them to attend; we’re talking about who you want them to BE as growing humans. Crafting a vision around your children’s character, self-esteem, how they treat others, along with the values you have for how they show up in the world will be your own unique compass.
Crafting your vision is as simple as asking yourself the following questions:
- What are the values you want driving your child’s actions and decisions? (Creativity, connection, empathy, love, kindness, compassion, wisdom, honesty…)
- Knowing we influence others, what do you want your family to model?
- What are some of the hopes and dreams you have for your children? (Eg. High self esteem, great friendships, healthy relationships, confidence to pursue their dreams and passions, fearlessly showing up as their authentic selves…)
Need an example?
Check out Kimberley’s vision for her children:
“I desire my children to be confident, compassionate, generous, open-hearted human beings, who are loving towards the planet and and everyone on it.”
Upack that for us Kimberley...
When crafting my vision, I was inspired by the values and characteristics that I admire in folks who have decided to leave the world in better shape than they found it. From developing a strong sense of self-awareness to continually nurturing empathy and compassion, many of the people I follow (both in person and online) base their values on loving one another and/or the planet.
These change makers have a strong work ethic and show up authentically to their endeavors. They model values that I have chosen to adopt for myself and my family. This is why compassion was a key value that I wanted in my vision for them, and not fame or academic success. Would I celebrate if my child grew to become a brain surgeon? Sure! But it would all be for nothing if they didn’t practice medicine with deep, unyielding compassion for every, single patient that came to their operating table. Do you see the difference? Note that my vision for my children isn’t to emulate the fame and notoriety of the mentors and people I follow; rather, I want them to BE those values I love in action.
Your vision for your children is as unique as they are.
No two families are identical in how they navigate life’s big decisions, so know there are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ values to adopt for yourself.
We've made a FREE printable worksheet to help you craft a vision for your children. Just click on the image below to download!
Please note - your vision for your children is not about dictating all the choices they make for themselves, nor is it about inhibiting who they desire to be in the world. Rather, it serves as a compass, guiding your family along a path that aligns with your vision, and enables you to make conscious course adjustments along the way with confidence.
In our video, Kimberley shares the challenging decision she had to make when her child was struggling in kindergarten. The choices laid out before her were confusing at first, but when she considered her ultimate vision for her children, finding a solution that aligned with the values she had chosen for her children became so much easier.
Whenever you find you or your children are off course, you can stop and ask yourself a few questions such as:
- “Does this decision align with our vision for our family?”
- “Putting aside what others think we should do, what is the best way forward for my family/my child?”
- “If we were to do things differently, what would that look like? And what would the result be?”
- If I prioritize our relationship, does that shift my decision? If so, how can I shift my decision to maintain a healthy relationship with my child that also aligns with my vision for them?
We encourage you to take 15 minutes with your pen and the downloaded questionnaire from this blog, putting aside distractions if you can. (This may mean at 6:45am before your children wake at 7!) Sit with your cup of tea and with the intention to have clarity around your vision for your children. Allow your mind to flow with the responses. If you get stuck, remind yourself that you already have within you, the desires for your children, you just need to allow them to come forward to your conscious mind!
Don’t sweat this exercise.
Remember there is no wrong answer and you can adjust your vision at any time to more accurately reflect your values and the way forward for your children.
Please comment below with your reflections on this exercise. We’d love to know how you’re doing. Don't forget to watch the video!
We celebrate you and honour you as you raise up this next generation of human beings!
XO
K&L
